You've rehearsed your message. You've practiced your delivery. You've even made a plan for dealing with pushback. There's only one thing preventing your feedback from achieving its intended purpose:

The other person.

Here's a hard truth: Even well-crafted and thoughtful feedback will fail unless we can persuade others to act on it.

I've spent a lot of time helping audiences around the globe make feedback fearless. But it's also critical to make feedback persuasive. If we can't get buy-in, we won't get breakthroughs.

This realization hit home during a recent podcast with Dr. Christopher Phelps, CEO of the Cialdini Institute. Chris and his team are to go-to resource for applying the science and strategies of ethical persuasion that were pioneered by the institute's namesake, Bob Cialdini. To move others to action, we need to soften the ground. But it's not just what we say. It's how we say it.

The following persuasion techniques can shift the tone of feedback from resistant to receptive—and can ultimately turn even the toughest feedback into a shared experience that's shaped by trust and dialogue.

Reciprocity: Give before you get

The principle of reciprocity is simple: When people receive something of value, they feel compelled to give something back. Applied to feedback, reciprocity means first providing others with something useful —a compliment, a resource, or an offer of support. In turn, they are more likely to listen actively, acknowledge your suggestions, and take constructive steps—their way of reciprocating the positive interaction.

For example:

"Before we get started, I want to acknowledge how much I appreciated your help with this project—your attention to detail saved us real time. I’d love to share an observation that could make your impact even greater on the next round."

By leading with value, you create goodwill that makes your recipient more open to feedback.

Commitment: Secure a "yes"

Getting someone to say “yes” to a small ask primes them for making even bigger changes. The key is to frame your feedback and requests as questions that can build commitment.

For example:

"Could you commit to reviewing the draft before Thursday? I noticed a couple of areas where your insight would make a real difference."

Cialdini and colleagues showed that when people verbally commit—even to something minor—they’re much more likely to follow through on your feedback.

Choice: Give options, not ultimatums

Too often, feedback becomes an act of "telling and selling"—telling others what you think, and selling them on your point of view. This prescriptive form of feedback diminishes autonomy and limits personal growth. Rather than dictating a single course of action, offer choices. Prompting others to share their solutions and next steps restores their autonomy and increases buy-in.

For example:

"How do you think we should move forward? I'd like to hear your ideas on where we can go from here."

When people feel they have agency, they’re more likely to listen to what you have to say.

Ethical persuasion isn't about manipulation—it’s about creating alignment and partnership. When we apply these and other persuasion techniques, feedback becomes a powerful tool for positive change. The next time you give feedback, remember: It’s not just what you say, but how you say it!

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