This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for feedback.

Not just for the compliments and constructive advice. I'm thankful for the blunt comments, hard-to-swallow truths, and even the occasional biting comment.

I'm thankful for all of it. Because without feedback, I would be stuck somewhere between ignorance and incompetence.

Feedback is the signal that helps us locate the learning moment. Even when it's not easy to hear – or poorly designed or delivered – it's still the one thing that helps us become more aware of the gap between our current and future selves, and how to bring the two into alignment.

Admittedly, I didn't always feel grateful. I preferred to ignore or disguise my shortcomings rather than confront them directly. I viewed feedback with skepticism ("He doesn't really know me!"), arrogance ("Who is she to tell me that?!"), and dread ("What if they're right?"). Instead of making room for feedback, I put up walls. Over time, the self-imposed silence created a deafening noise: The sound of missed opportunities, lost chances, and limited growth. My relationships suffered. My results plunged.

Finally, after a near-disastrous turn at work, I realized I needed to let feedback in.

It took time, determination, and lots of reflection, but eventually I made peace with my past and discovered the joy of getting feedback. (This TEDx talk is probably the most personal thing I've ever shared from the stage.)

It's been almost ten years since I've made friends with feedback, and I'm still feeling thankful. That's not to say that receiving feedback is always easy or natural – hardly. But I've developed a formula for making the most out of feedback, one that helps me face feedback with more grace, grit and goals.

A new formula for feedback

Admittedly, I'm not a math person. Some kids might get a 70 on their geometry test and shamefully throw it in the trash. Me? I'd proudly put it on the fridge. Over time, I've gotten better at math (thanks to endless tutoring) and have even come to appreciate the order and structure that math brings to our lives. Feedback is no exception. It provides an elegant formula for receiving feedback fearlessly, topped off with a generous helping of gratitude.

"Feedback math" is actually pretty simple, even for a math-challenged person like me. It follows a three-step process: Addition. Subtraction. Multiplication. When we think about feedback in math terms, we can solve almost any challenge.

Addition: What have I gained?

The first step is to look at the sum total of feedback. How did it add to our understanding of our strengths and skills? Has it increased our capacity to do better work and become a better person? With addition, we look at the whole of feedback, not just at its parts. Somewhere in that message, there's a variable that can help us do more, not less. Look for it.

Questions to ask yourself:  

• What does this feedback help me understand about myself or my work that I didn’t fully see before?
• How might this feedback help me become a better colleague, leader, or person?
• If I look at this feedback as a whole, what value does it add to my growth?

Subtraction: What would I have lost?

This step is a bit harder because it forces us to ask ourselves some uncomfortable questions: What would I be missing without this feedback? How would the absence of feedback decrease my professional and personal value? Subtraction isn't easy, since feedback has a way of naturally diminishing us. After getting criticized or called out, we may already feel like a minus sign. But when we think prospectively about what our lives might have looked like without feedback, we position ourselves to experience feedback with more grace and gratitude.

Questions to ask yourself:

• How would my relationships, reputation, or effectiveness shrink without any correction or insight from others?
• What uncomfortable truth is this feedback helping me face that I might otherwise ignore?
• In what way does subtracting feedback from my life diminish my long-term potential?

Multiplication: How can I expand my impact?

In the final step, we multiplying feedback's value to produce compound growth. To do that, we focus on how feedback can be scaled for future success –  not just for us, but for those around us. When we multiply the value of feedback, we create exponentially positive and lasting change.

Questions to ask yourself:

• What’s one behavior or change I can improve that will benefit others, not just me?
• Who or what will be better as a direct result of me applying this feedback?
• How can I use this feedback to make a greater contribution?

Create your feedback fix

As I say often from the stage: We can't go back and change the past, but we can start right where we are and fix the future.

So yes, we can and should be thankful for feedback, even if we don't love the way it lands.

It's just math.

Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who are celebrating it. I hope that you experience feedback with less fear, more joy, and much thanks.

‍