There are two ways to share feedback:

Option A: Telling and selling

Option B: Listening and learning

Option A is focused on "telling and selling" – telling others what you think and selling them on your point of view. This prescriptive form of feedback often produces judgement and gridlock. It's the option preferred by "experts," the feedback givers who think they have all the answers.

Option B is guided by "listening and learning" – listening to what others are saying and learning from their point of view. This inquiring form of feedback creates partnership and progress. It's the option favored by "coaches," the feedback givers who believe that answers come from asking more and talking less.

Experts vs. Coaches. Who do you think delivers better results?

As I've said often from the stage, feedback is about relationships, not just ratings or reports. And the best way to refine that relationship is by adopting a coaching mindset that is driven by open dialogue, quality questions and active listening.

Put your coaching mindset to work

The next time someone asks you for feedback, take a moment to consider what kind of feedback they're looking for. Are they coming to you for support and direction? Advice on making a decision? Guidance on ways to build their careers and expertise? You can't help others hit their target if you don't know where to aim!

Once you know how to frame your feedback, you can put this coaching mindset to work by asking questions and adopting a "listen and learn" approach. These handy prompts can get you started, but your questions will be more impactful if you make them your own.

Needing support

When others come to you stuck or overwhelmed, the best coaching move isn’t to jump in with answers. It’s to help them surface what they already know. Start by guiding them to reflect on what they’ve learned so far, what’s still missing, and what their own experience might suggest.

Sample prompts:

• What have you learned about this issue so far?
• What would be most helpful to know?
• What does your gut tell you to do?

Making decisions

Good coaching focuses on framing, not fixing. Our coaching should help others slow down the decision and think through consequences with more intention. Present different options, weigh the strengths and weaknesses of each choice, and help others consider the impact each one might have.

Sample prompts:

• What are the most important factors you need to consider?
• What do you think would happen if you went down this path?
• Can you live with the worst-case scenario for this decision?

Building expertise

When it comes to advising others on their careers and capabilities, the most helpful coaching helps people map their path to mastery. The right questions can guide them to the resources, experiences, and actions that will accelerate their learning and build their confidence.

Sample prompts:

• Who could be a good resource for you?
• What are your most important learning goals?
• How will you know when you’ve gained enough knowledge to act?

Good feedback draws on the foundations of coaching to help others improve and achieve. By spending more time listening and learning, you can bring others closer to where they want to be. And that's an option worth choosing.

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