They're called difficult conversations for a reason. Whether it’s offering constructive feedback, addressing a misunderstanding, or setting a boundary, these exchanges can stir discomfort for both sides. But if you want these conversations to have a good ending, they need have a strong start.

Not sure where to begin? Here's a list of effective openers courtesy of Ali Merchant, who dropped by I Wish They Knew to discuss ways to make difficult conversations easier and more effective. (Be sure to watch or listen to our conversation.)

Each of these openers offers a pathway towards a more respectful, constructive conversation that can leave both sides satisfied and produce a breakthrough, not a breakdown.

Show vulnerability

“This is difficult for me to say, but important for you to hear.”

This opener acknowledges vulnerability right away. By admitting that the conversation is difficult for you, you humanize yourself and reduce defensiveness in the other person. Expressing some vulnerability can help lower the stakes, especially when emotions run high.

Act as a partner

“This isn’t an easy conversation, but I believe it’s important for us to talk about.”

Here, you establish mutual ownership of the issue. Framing this as a conversation between partners ("us") shows a desire to work through the issue together. It may even soften resistance and remind the other person that you’re on the same team, working toward a shared goal.

Reinforce your relationship

“I value our relationship, which is why I feel the need to share this feedback with you.”

Affirming your relationship from the start is a significant move. It demonstrates your commitment to maintaining ties, even when they show signs of strain. When you show that something matters to you, others may feel the same way.

Express a desire to help

“It may sound harsh, but this is coming from a helpful place."

Stating your purpose up front is both clarifying and comforting. If your intention is to be supportive, say so — don't assume the other person knows. Making a genuine offer of support can turn a potentially tense moment into an opportunity for connection.

The first moments of a difficult conversation set the tone for everything that follows. When you lead off with humility, partnership, and shared purpose, you show that the goal isn’t to win an argument, but to strengthen understanding. And that's a very good place to start.