Have you tried to engage others in a feedback dialogue, only to get a muted response? Despite your best efforts to ask questions, seek insights and offer support, does it seem like you're carrying on the conversation all by yourself?

If feedback feels too one-sided, I have a fix for you:

It's a handy technique called "rate and reflect."

Based on motivational interviewing, "rate and reflect" is a collaborative approach that helps people find their own motivation to make positive changes in their behavior. Instead of telling others what to do, we offer guidance so they can explore their own reasons for change and support their sense of autonomy and self-efficacy.

And it's powered by one simple question: "Why not higher?"

This a feedback game-changer, especially when others seem unsure of their next step.

By inviting individuals to reflect on their own actions and assess themselves, this approach helps them gain a clearer sense of both their strengths and growth opportunities. It changes feedback from something people simply receive into an active, thoughtful process. As a result, people feel more motivated and capable of taking responsibility for their own development.

From rating to reflecting

The formula is pretty simple: Ask someone to rate a particular aspect of something they've said or done on a scale from 1 (lowest) to 10 (highest). This self-assessment makes room for a structured reflection. Here's how you might open:

You: "Let's talk about your recent project. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your role on this last project?"

Other: "I’d say it’s about a 7."

You: "That’s a solid rating. I'm curious - why not higher?"

That's the critical question. Rather than tell others what you think about their rating, prompt them to say more about what they think. The "why not higher?" question draws attention to the issues you likely want to address, but without judgment or blame. By allowing others to explore why they chose that specific number, you can naturally engage them in conversation about what's happening, why it's happening, and what might happen next. "Rate and reflect" can provide a conversation spark that may otherwise seem forced or awkward.

A natural fix

I like "rate and reflect" as a feedback fix for a few reasons:

• It promotes self-awareness: Good feedback shows others where to look, not what to see. This technique gets others to look inside themselves.
• It creates accountability without blame: It allows us to call attention to issues without calling anyone out.
• It makes room for learning: By letting others lead with their rating, we can better understand their point of view and even bring new information to light.

"Rate and reflect" transforms feedback from a top-down directive into a collaborative and empowering conversation. By fostering a supportive atmosphere and encouraging self-reflection, we can unlock the full potential of feedback and ensure that all views and voices are heard.

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